Booby Annointments

Don't let anyone tell you that breastfeeding is easy. "If it hurts, you're doing it wrong." That's what the books say.

Don't perpetuate this lie. Stick an icepick right through the thickest part of your nipple and scour it around. That's how it feels for Sara.

Two experts ("Lactation Consultants") say that Sara and Sasha are doing everything right. There's "The Latch", the "Football hold", it's all up to code. It still hurts like hell.

Lactation Consultant #1 gave us a recipe for homemade nipple ointment. We're to mix up some over-the-counter creams in a shot glass and apply to the trouble spots.

Ingredients:
1. Polysporin.
2. Hydrocortizone.
3. Miconazole 2% strength. (This was a new one to me.)

She also wanted me to pick up Soothies nipple pads. Great.

So I go to Longs and find the first two ingredients in the "ointment" section. The third, Miconazole 2%, is nowhere to be found. No Soothies, either. To Walgreens!

Cruising the Walgreens 'Ointment' section, no luck. Nothing in the 'Cream' section.

Nothing in the 'Baby' section, but I did find the Soothies. I covered them up in my basket with a magazine, US Weekly.

I'm racing through the 'Feminine needs', because I told Sara I'd be back in ten and I don't like being in the 'Feminine needs' section anyway.

Past the tampons. Past the condoms. Past the yeast infection stuff. "Monistat 7" catches my eye. Active ingredient? Miconazole, in 2% strength. Sadly, it comes bundled with suppositories and extra lotion.

I spill out my basket for the middle-aged Walgreens checkout lady. US Weekly, Hydrocortizone, Polysporin, and Monistat 7. I think she assumed something about my situation.

I was hoping she wouldn't give me me 'the look'. But she did, and it said "What did you get yourself into, there, youngster?"