Monday, December 25, 2006

All this junk


So it's Christmas. We have acquired more "Baby's First Christmas" stuff than I knew existed. Some of it, we bought. The rest, gifts. I got a "#1 Dad" shirt.

Better make the most of it today. Honestly, we went into this with the three "R"'s in mind.

On that note, though, young parents are great at recylcling. Curtis and Julie just dropped off a bunch of stuff their three-month old outgrew. Guess what Scott and Alison's unborn is getting in February?

Curtis also burned a "Trees rustling with Heartbeat" CD that seems, so far, to induce trancelike silence in Sasha. Awesome. We haven't found any silver bullets yet, but this sounds promising. Any tips?

Also, Lila taught me a two-step move that quiets babies. Lila said she used to be a nanny.

She agreed that "nanny" wasn't the preferred nomenclature. "Instead of 'nanny', we said I was Tess's 'best friend'. We're still 'friends' now, just without the paycheck."

My mom checked in, she's working in the delivery ward at the county hospital in the Bay Area. She works every Christmas, so other nurses can be home.

The day is young and they've already had a family name their son "Jesus". It happens every year. They take bets on what the final count will be.

A friend says that Jesus probably wasn't born today, much less in the year "0". "Shepards weren't tending sheep in December. For real." He surmised it didn't matter anyway, because it's not so much a birthday holiday.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Booby Annointments


Don't let anyone tell you that breastfeeding is easy. "If it hurts, you're doing it wrong." That's what the books say.

Don't perpetuate this lie. Stick an icepick right through the thickest part of your nipple and scour it around. That's how it feels for Sara.

Two experts ("Lactation Consultants") say that Sara and Sasha are doing everything right. There's "The Latch", the "Football hold", it's all up to code. It still hurts like hell.

Lactation Consultant #1 gave us a recipe for homemade nipple ointment. We're to mix up some over-the-counter creams in a shot glass and apply to the trouble spots.

Ingredients:
1. Polysporin.
2. Hydrocortizone.
3. Miconazole 2% strength. (This was a new one to me.)

She also wanted me to pick up Soothies nipple pads. Great.

So I go to Longs and find the first two ingredients in the "ointment" section. The third, Miconazole 2%, is nowhere to be found. No Soothies, either. To Walgreens!

Cruising the Walgreens 'Ointment' section, no luck. Nothing in the 'Cream' section.

Nothing in the 'Baby' section, but I did find the Soothies. I covered them up in my basket with a magazine, US Weekly.

I'm racing through the 'Feminine needs', because I told Sara I'd be back in ten and I don't like being in the 'Feminine needs' section anyway.

Past the tampons. Past the condoms. Past the yeast infection stuff. "Monistat 7" catches my eye. Active ingredient? Miconazole, in 2% strength. Sadly, it comes bundled with suppositories and extra lotion.

I spill out my basket for the middle-aged Walgreens checkout lady. US Weekly, Hydrocortizone, Polysporin, and Monistat 7. I think she assumed something about my situation.

I was hoping she wouldn't give me me 'the look'. But she did, and it said "What did you get yourself into, there, youngster?"

Plan C would be.....what,then?




Plan A: Go to the studio and turn on the submarine sound effects. That worked on you last night.

Plan B: Put you on the lap and cruise best-of-craigslist until you wear yourself out.

Plan C:

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Inbox #2



From a dear, recently-moved-away friend:

"I just wanted to remind you that the dating life isnt always that fun ..

I get a call Sunday morning from Moriah at about 8:30, wakes me up so I figured it was important. Basically she goes on for a half hour about this girl I HAVE to meet. SO I think "hmmm! maybe this will go somewhere!" We agree to get drinks with said friend.

I pick up Moriah and head off to meet Deeane at her hair salon and I see a lady cutting someones hair. As I walk closer I think "Oi! That better not be her".

We walk in and I look at Moriah like "seriously?"

Shes way taller than me, and could basically kick my ass.

So I basically sat there watching Moriah get her damn hair cut (i am pretty sure this was all a setup to get me to drive Moriah to her hair appt! haha) and listened to Deeane say things like "Thats fuckin rad sucka!" and "Strippers are all ghetto bitches" Shes 34. Sweet.

Whatever happened to those drinks we were getting? Deeane had to run after the cut to pick up "2 bags of dope chronic". She leaves, looks at me and says "catch ya later sucka!"

To finish the night off I drove Moriah to her dads house, he was drinking jack from a Costco-sized bottle and told me he has lots of guns. He walked away after saying he had guns. Yup sure enough there was a pistol with loaded clips lying on the coffee table. Nice.

Have I said I missed you guys??!!!!"

----

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Inbox #1

"Congratulations, my man! Big daddy Dronkers . . . holy shit.

Don't know if you've seen the movie "The Omen" or not (the original version), but if
that kid doesn't look like you, you might wanna check for the infamous "Mark
of the Beast" aka 666 birthmark (it could be under the hair!).

Those "crazy" supportive midwives might be Satan's own minions sent to protect
the fresh new anti-Christ. Keep an eye on them as they can communicate with
the child telepathically . . . yeah, dude. It's probably not a big deal,
but I warn all my new parent friends cause MAN, that would suck!

PS---Booby is one of my favorite foods too."

Sasha Zee FAQ


Blammo! We had a kid. Her name is Sasha Zee. These are the FAQs.

1. When was she born?
1:08 PM, December 10th, 2006

2. Weight?
9 lbs, 10oz. If that were an SAT score, it'd be 1570. And not on that lame "new" SAT.

3. How was the birth?
Our homebirth midwives Brandi and Deanna were crazy supportive. Sasha was born smoothly in a birthing tub. Sara was a champ. No pain meds, never gave up. The hard part of labor lasted about 13 hours, with a day of pre-labor contractions. Zero cursing, no carnage. There were minor post-partum complications, and healthy scores on the baby.

4. Specs:
21 inches length
Head: 14.75 inches circ.
Favorite food: booby

5. What's "Zee" about?
It's Dutch for "Sea". (It better be, unless we got punk'd by the Dutch dictionary.) Pronounced "Zay", because you're a total stickler for Dutch/Hollandese/Netherlandish whatever.

6. What does she look like?
Not us, apparently. See for your yourself. Her face has no trace of Sara or me yet. Maybe she's not ours. She has a full head of dark hair, dark eyes, guitar-playing hands, and is unblemished. Ten fingers, ten toes. Big. Pink.

7. What's she like?
So far, she seems pretty mellow. Her eyes track along pretty well, and she likes the music of Gillian Welch and Clem Snide. Her health is great. Did I mention she was 9lbs 10oz?

So far, so good!

Saturday, December 9, 2006

This must be cool



Sara started to get hints of labor today.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006